My HOT girlfriends fart in a mason jar…..will send real pics along with jar. Need cash to pay the rent.
http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/for/1876782607.html
Notes from the user who submitted this ad: Hilariously stupid.
Funny Craigslist Ad #112: End Tables and Coffee table/Ninja Training Equipment – $50 (Denver, CO)
Long ago, I was approached by a friend who told me he had the key to becoming a ninja. I was curious, but obviously skeptical so I told him I would come over so he could show me. When I arrived at his house I realized that this “key” was a set of three pieces: two small ninja totems (cleverly disguised as end tables) and a larger matching striking post (looks A LOT like a coffee table). After witnessing his skills I was hooked and began my training immediately.
After completing my complete ninja training, I feel my training equipment is no longer needed (and I need money for throwing stars) but I thought the equipment should be shared with the world.
Pictures below… also doubles as a furniture set for your living room. Call me at 920.217.1387 if you are interested!
Posted in For Sale, Submitted by Readers!.
Funny Craigslist Ad #111: Is that what I think it is?!?!?!?! – $70
Yes, I am the couch you have been dreaming of. My owners are moving and don’t want to take me with them. Ok, I get it, I am being replaced by a new younger sofa. So what if it is comfy, sleek, and sexy. Older couches are more distinguished and have character! I still got what it takes to cushion and comfort you after a long days work. You can whisk me away to your place to start our lives together, since my owners are simply too lazy to even move me themselves. We will bond on our journey from their 3rd floor apartment to your truck, creating an instant memorable story. But hey I won’t go with just anyone. It will take 70 dollars, as a token of your commitment. But… a spurned couch can’t be without an owner for long as I will start to get desperate longing for a new couch potato to keep me company on Sat nights. If no one shows interest by July 27th I am completely free for the taking. Email me if you are interested! ~Sincerely, Blue Couch
Posted in For Sale, Submitted by Readers!.
Funny Craigslist Ad #110: I want to be your slave
I want to be a real work slave for someone and I am 100% serious, honest, and real. What I’m basically looking for is a guy who wants me to do all of his chores (cleaning, dishes, laundry, yard work, clean car, etc) while you relax AND I will pay you cash for your time. I am not kidding and I am mentally sane, and not weird or psycho. Ever since I learned about slavery in school I wanted to be one…I decided it was time to act on it. I just really like the idea of being submissive to someone and making their life easier. I don’t expect or want any help….and, yes, I will pay you in cash by the hour.
I want nothing sexual from this arrangement AT ALL. So if you reply, I’d prefer that you’re straight (so that there is no possibility for anything weird or sexual).
Send me an email if you’re interested and we can talk more….
http://cleveland.craigslist.org/cas/1787780463.html,
Posted in Gigs, Submitted by Readers!.
Funny Craigslist Ad #109: Looking for a Carl Spackler
Looking for a Carl Spackler to rip up a small square of 20×40 SOD, kill a golfer, and remove the debris. Please email hourly rate or total wanted for the job.
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/lbg/1788638175.html
Note from the user who submitted this ad: uh, I think he wants to kill a GOPHER, not a GOLFER but hey – it’s CL – who knows?!!!
Posted in Gigs, Submitted by Readers!.
Funny Craigslist Ad #108: Seeking a professional driver
I am seeking a professional driver who would be able to get me out of any “tight” situations that I may encounter.
Because of the nature of my business I have many enemies.
-Must be armed, preferably with fully automatic weapons
-Must be able to speak multiple languages, English and Russian are a must.
-Must be bald and be able to kick ass, preferably a black belt.
-Special Forces training and combat experience also desired.
Preferablly homosexual, or atleast bi and looking for a little more than just a job. But remember, I’m in charge, and you’ll take it that like the bitch you are.
I want a man that is rough and tough and can save the day, but later on in the day lay in bed and cuddle with me and be compasionate.
http://allentown.craigslist.org/trp/1794166122.html
Posted in Gigs, Submitted by Readers!.
Funny Craigslist Ad #107: Need artificial insemination?
Over the last 3 years, I have offered to help women get pregnant, exclusively through artificial insemination, and many have successfully had children, using my sperm. I offer this at no cost, including an artificial insemination kit, simply because I find it to be one of the most profoundly meaningful uses of my time.
I am 5′ 10″, Caucasian, with black hair and brown eyes, in good shape, and disease-free. My main genetic advantages are my extremely high IQ and that living past 90 seems to run in my family. Additionally, conceiving with the sperm of a male in his early twenties significantly decreases the chances of miscarriages, premature births, autism, schizophrenia, and even the likelihood of a grown daughter to get breast cancer and a grown son to get prostate cancer (Google “paternal age effect”).
It really makes me happy to help people in such a meaningful way, so please don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions, or if you would like to meet.
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/m4w/1801159479.html
Posted in Gigs, Submitted by Readers!.
Funny Craigslist Ad #106: Wanted Lovinf Rich Grandparent
Are your career-minded grown up children holding out on you in the grandkids department? Or maybe you’re disappointed in little Timmy’s grades? Want someone to be proud off? Then we’ve got the solution for you – our super gifted daughter!
Our 9 year old daughter has been accepted into a private school for highly-gifted children but we just can’t afford the tuition fees and neither can our family. Our only choice is too seek a ‘new’ family member that can help; so we are looking for a rich grandparent to “adopt” our daughter and help her get the education she deserves.
A bit about your new granddaughter: She is a curious and intelligent girl with a passion for learning. A keen reader who can plough through many books in an afternoon. She is a big fan of Greek mythology and dinosaurs and could talk to you about these topics endlessly.
Admittedly she’s no starving African child but the traditional school system has left her isolated and unable to reach her true potential. This new school is really great. Seriously, it’s like the one from X-Men! Not that she can move furniture with her mind or anything (yet!).
This place will challenge her mentally, support her emotionally and integrate her socially with children just like her. It’s exactly what she needs and we hope to give her this opportunity. Or rather: we hope YOU’LL give her this opportunity.
We need $23,500 just to pay the tuition fees for 2010 to 2011 academic year. Plus other costs for uniforms, school trips etc. Our daughter is rich in heart and mind but poor in wallet. We seek a “grandparent” rich in all three.
By becoming a “grandparent” you will get the following:
• Photo of you with your new granddaughter
• Handmade birthday & Christmas present
• Copy of school reports
• Trip to the library where she will ignore you to read her favorite books.
• Invite to her birthday party
• Join us on the school run one day and ask her about her day at school.
• Family picnic
• Supervised visit (provided you live in Los Angeles)
• Drawing by granddaughter
• 4 family outings to free museums in LA
• Disneyland outing – but no scary rides
• Parent’s evening updates
• Birthday party invite
• Attend a school run trip
• 4 supervised visits (Los Angeles only)
• Greek mythology lesson
• Family hike
• School events invite
• Baked vegan goods by mom
• Manly choirs by dad like mow your lawn (but not in hayfever season)
• Monthly lunch at our apartment
• See and feed our daughter’s pet lizard.
Get more info on this, or how to become and “auntie” or “uncle” instead here: http://www.indiegogo.com/Wanted-Loving-Rich-Grandparent
Note from the user who submitted this ad: Funny ad asking for a rich grandparent.
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/com/1809936902.html
Posted in Community, Submitted by Readers!.
Funny Craigslist Ad #105: Transport driver needed
Looking for clean cut transport driver (ie. no facial hair, no visible tattoos, no piercings). Driver will wear presentable suit in every transport. Driving record must be clean. No Points. Long hours, 12-24 hour shifts plus holidays. Driver must be able to lift 150pds plus. Must pass background check. Communication skills is vital including good grammar, bilingual is a plus. Piece work( pay per transport), no hourly pay, take home van. Starting pay is $18 per body in Orange County and Los Angeles, some transports outside of LA & OC pay more. Driver will pick up deceased from convelscent homes, residential and hospitals to then transport to mortuary. No experience necessary, no experience a plus, will train. Please contact via phone 714-901-7399 Ask for Jay. PLEASE LIVE IN NORTH ORANGE COUNTY.
http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/trp/1811159369.html
Posted in Jobs, Submitted by Readers!.
Funny Craigslist Ad #104: I won’t be sharing the road with you again
I know that you were outrageously pissed at me today when I cut you off at the off ramp in Rancho Cucamonga. I was feeling confident listening to “Forgot About Dre” when I glanced in my mirror and I made the determination that I had plenty of space to merge over to the left lane. It was a costly mistake, as I assume you had to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident (thank you, btw). You weren’t shy about expressing your emotions about my minor mistake. You switched lanes and pulled up next to me to flip me off and scream at me through your (rolled-up) window. Even when I turned down my radio, I couldn’t hear what you were saying – probably cursing I would assume. In the future, if someone does that to you, roll down the window and really let them have it.
In an ironic turn of events, I was on my way to take my driving exam, (because a friend said it was easier in Rancho Cucamonga). Well if you see this- you win. I am a bad driver….I didn’t get my driver’s license. I just thought you should know that I won’t be sharing the road with you again for quite some time. Good day to you sir.
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/com/1811403793.html
Posted in Personals, Submitted by Readers!.
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