Looking for clean cut transport driver (ie. no facial hair, no visible tattoos, no piercings). Driver will wear presentable suit in every transport. Driving record must be clean. No Points. Long hours, 12-24 hour shifts plus holidays. Driver must be able to lift 150pds plus. Must pass background check. Communication skills is vital including good grammar, bilingual is a plus. Piece work( pay per transport), no hourly pay, take home van. Starting pay is $18 per body in Orange County and Los Angeles, some transports outside of LA & OC pay more. Driver will pick up deceased from convelscent homes, residential and hospitals to then transport to mortuary. No experience necessary, no experience a plus, will train. Please contact via phone 714-901-7399 Ask for Jay. PLEASE LIVE IN NORTH ORANGE COUNTY.

http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/trp/1811159369.html

I just want you to make believe you are my girlfriend for a couple of hours maybe once or twice a week. This might include doing real girlfriend stuff. We can talk about it. I am a good white male.

Date: 2010-05-03, 3:02PM EDT
Reply to: gigs-95r82-1722618557@craigslist.org

Does your computer not work as well as it used it, but you are scared to bring it to someone to get it fixed because you don’t want anyone seeing what you’ve downloaded?
I fix computers for under $100. Completely confidential, i don’t even look at your files. I just wipe out the hard drive and and reinstall windows. Your computer will be as good as new.

Part time marketer needed to get the word out on free peer to peer giving site. The position will last approximately a month and pay $550. Duties will include posting free items, seeking out cafes and markets to put up fliers, street stenciling and some blogging. This position is perfect for a college student. Basic requirements are: access to a computer with internet connectivity and ability to network. Please send all resumes ASAP. We will be making a decision quickly.
http://providence.craigslist.org/ofc/1316372571.html

Comment from the user who submitted this ad:

This is a person looking for a Guerilla marketer, but put “Gorilla” instead. I emailed them back about the job- pretending to be a gorilla looking for a marketing job. I attached a screen shot of my email to them. Hilarious!

I have approximately 1,243 chickens that need to be transported, i began my journey with my mini van but just was not working out, too many trips and too much shit and feathers, and with no ac it makes it very difficult when constantly tempted to roll the windows down, and because doing it all by hand i have lost 1 out of 4 chickens with my first 3 trips. if you have reasonable transportation for this chicken operation plz let me know. thank you.

-Matt

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/1290743016.html

Had a rat problems and solved it by using the rat poison. The rats died somewhere in my bedroom wall and I can’t find it but I can smell it it is not too good. I need some body who has experience finding where in wall the dead rats is and then taking them out it without breaking the walls. Maybe some guy who is poor they are more likely to have experience with the rats. Im not really able to pay too much for this would treat you to McDonald’s it is close to my home. Besides, this is good experience for you if you are in the business. I would be willing to tell all your other customers what a great job you did with my rat. You could give them my cell number and as soon as my phone gets turned back on it would be like you have free advertising. I dispertly need some guys help right away cause my girlfriend won’t sleep over anymore till I get rid of the smell and cleanup other things around my home and get a job soon. She used to go out with my brother and Im scared she will go back with him cause he don’t have rats in his house. Dont worry if I dont answer you right away cause Im using my friends computer I dont have one. Give me your number and ill call you back and tell you where the house is. Thanks.

• Location: Milwaukee
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

Date: 2009-09-09, 12:33AM CDT

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mil/1365314322.html

I have approximately 1,243 chickens that need to be transported, i began my journey with my mini van but just was not working out, too many trips and too much shit and feathers, and with no ac it makes it very difficult when constantly tempted to roll the windows down, and because doing it all by hand i have lost 1 out of 4 chickens with my first 3 trips. if you have reasonable transportation for this chicken operation plz let me know. thank you.

-Matt

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/1290743016.html

Date: 2009-07-26, 11:04PM CDT

My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and become overwhelming for me. I am a single father raising two young children. I cannot face telling the kids that the dog must go. I have found a good home for the dog, and just need someone to transport the dog, and play the villain.

Premise: You will be the dog walker hired by daddy (me) to walk Skittles. I will introduce you to the kids, and you will tell them you are going to help Skittles get her exercise when Daddy is too busy to walk her. At that point you will walk Skittles to your car and take her to her new family 20 minutes from my place. Then return holding just a leash. The story will be that Skittles broke free of the leash and took off. At this point prepare for crying, things being thrown at you, and possibly cursing. My kids are young and dramatic, their girls.

Pay will be $500. The job will take roughly 2 hours at best.

This job is ideal for an actor looking to diversify their role base, or someone who genuinely likes to make children cry. Acting experience is a plus, but not necessary. Please inform me of any prior experience in this kind of situation.

• Location: DC, MD, VA

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/1126876415.html

Date: 2009-04-17, 12:52PM EDT

Super busy affluent SF Arts/ Entrepreneur who travels a lot for work needs part time help finding a girlfriend/LTR. I figured that someone out there must have the skills and time to do this for me, like hiring a recruiter to help find the right employee. This is a project that might take a month or two. The pay would be $30 an hour up to $5000 with a bonus if we succeed. I am a 50 something year old fit, smart, attractive, cultured, extrovert, humorous, white guy married once no kids. And I am a quasi high profile SF person with full a biography and photos online i.e. not some closet weirdo. I’m looking for a youthful super smart stylish creative urban woman who lives in SF for LTR. That seems pretty straightforward. The job would involve finding and interviewing 5- 10 women online and in person (I am picky visually). It would take a couple months I assume.

If you are interested in this job, please send me a note and let me know why you would be good at it, why I should trust you, and how you would go about it. Confidentiality and discretion on all levels is a priority. I’ve never done this before, and I am neither patient nor experienced with online dating. You need to be SF based, college educated, smart and street savvy, with a highly organized nature, great sense of humor, refined taste and an especially good eye. You can send me a resume if you want, but this is not essential.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/1144016783.html

Date: 2009-04-28, 7:43AM PDT

I am making a small book and needs fact in regard to End of the world. If you believe that now is the end of the world and you have solid fact I will buy the info from you for $5.00 each fact, For example you can say: According to ABCD- EFG this is the end of the world. I need a total of 200 solid believable facts it equals $1000. I will buy as little as 1 fact for $5.00 All payments are done by paypal.com please do-not email any facts until you have talked to me and you get a confirmation. You can call or email for us to call you back.
23852 pch #720
malibu,ca.90265

Date: 2007-12-13, 10:18PM PST

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/508818312.html