Keep Killian Skarr out of jail sale! Price reduced to $6,666 on this unique piece of functional art. This is the same sculpture that was featured at this years “Dirty show 11″ and in the upcoming issue of “Secret magazine”. And as a special dispensation to New York buyers, Killian Skarr will hand deliver the Nihilophiliac Cuddlebunny at no additional cost. Call 440-666-07XX with any questions or to commission your own primitive torture device.

1.) “The Devils Sling””*
2.) “Friendly Mr. Skarrington””*
3.) “Angry Professor Scythian”””*
4.) “Nihilophiliac Cuddle-bunny”””
5.) “Slut Machine: I””
• This authentic replication of a -Primitive Torture Device- dates originally from circa 666 B.C.E, and was used by the invading hordes of Scythians to disembowel and rape, in that order, the opposing tribes’ women,
• it went by various names in the Middle Ages including (see above),
• was owned for a time by the Royal Academy of Natural Philosophy until 1666 when it was confiscated in the name of the Inquisition for use upon pain of death as Thomas Hobbes’sentence for the charge of blasphemy after the publication of Leviathan,
• it was rediscovered during the excavation of the C.E.R.N. Large Hadron Collider Site in Switzerland,
• and is fully functional for a capacity of no more than 160 lbs.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/atq/1834914012.html

A joint Soviet-American crew created this washer and dryer. Their mission was to investigate how the washer’s gravitational orbit revolves around your laundry to disperse and disappear dirt that is locked away in the fabric. Propelled by alien rockets, this interplanetary spacecraft is very advanced. Due to its fascinating spinning speed at amazing velocities a large content of water gets expelled leaving you laundry almost dry at the end of each cycle. The dyer specializes in harvesting solar rays to improve it’s drying capacity to over 300 %. These washer and dryer will take on dangerous missions that will never end in failure and destroy many kinds of indigenous life forms created by 2 year olds. But do not worry, they are not designed to probe you or your family members (with the exceptions of pets and other alien animals) to learn about the truth of humankind. Call me for more information about this fascinating piece of equipment.

http://dallas.craigslist.org/ndf/app/1840547298.html

You know what they say… the happiest two days in the life of a mounted deer-head owner are the day he obtains the buck-head and the day he sells it. Let’s make each other happy. Here’s the deal:

If you’re in the market for the best gag gift imaginable (as Christmas is quickly approaching) you need to buy my deer head. It’s that simple. I have had my fun with it. I’ve used it to scare my family members and now it’s time that it scared the pants off one of yours. For example… does (no pun intended) your family do a white elephant gift exchange where people pawn crap onto each other to celebrate the birth of our Savior? I’m pretty sure that no one would guess what’s in the deer shaped package, especially if you wrapped each of the antlers separately. Everyone would be more than thrilled to have Chuck enter into their family. He’s probably distantly related to Rudolph in some way, but it’s not his red nose that gains him accolades. Rather it is the fact that he has one whole eye, two bomb diggity branched antlers, a hinged mouth for life-like talking/carolling, and that he sheds… but he has a face you just can’t stay mad at.

So maybe your family doesn’t have a funny gift exchange. Maybe your little sister has outgrown her Barbie dolls, but she still wants a toy whose hair she can brush. Chuck loves having his facial hair combed! And how!

Or this! Want to teach your kids responsibility but not ready for a real pet? Have them brush Chuck’s teeth every night before they go to bed. That’ll learn ‘em. Not to ask for any more pets.

Did you just buy a boat? Topless mermaids strapped to the front of the watercraft are so 1600s. Superglue/staple Chuck onto the front of your bad boy and you’ll be gellin’ like Magellan in practically no time (note: it will take some time to mount him up, this is an exaggeration). What?! Plus you could name it something awesome like “Land Doe,” “The Buck Stops Here,” or “Creepy Deer Boat”. You get the idea.

But that’s not all. A prop in a school play, a Halloween mask, a candelabra, a place to hang your clothes that won’t fit in the closet. Or perhaps you live alone and you want to feel like you are seated to dinner with a guest. Prop him up on your kitchen chairs and let him go to town. He loves a home cooked meal as much as anyone. In addition, Chuck too also makes a good friend as well also. Wanna drive in the carpool lanes to work? Chuck loves sitting shotgun. Plus, no one will want to rob your car. You could practically set your iPod out on the dashboard with the doors unlocked and hoodlums would still want nothing to do with you. With a little bit of time and some know-how, Chuck will make the perfect shampoo dispenser. Got a farm? I’ve never seen a scarecrow with a deer-head for a head. Yet. Can’t afford that diamond ring your girlfriend asked for? Bronze Chuck and she’ll forget she ever asked. These are just a few of the virtually endless possibilities. You could also mount it on the wall like “normal” people.

I believe in my heart of hearts that all animals were put on this Earf’ for a purpose. Mostly to be eaten. But not Chuck. That’s what makes him special. Be a part of Chucks destiny. He gave his life tragically to enhance yours. For just 80 bucks my problem becomes yours. OBO (preferably more… if there are too many people who want it, we’ll sell it auction style- that way it’s fair.) Contact me quick, I imagine a huge volume of people will be interested. But as this is a happy day in my life, when Chuck will go on to accomplish great things with another family, I hope we can stay in touch. I’d love to hear how he’s doing and just be able to check on him once in a while to make sure he’s behavin’ hisself. Cheers to deers, son!

Seriously, contact me about this deer head. I want it out of my gazebo.

Date: 2009-08-24, 11:30PM EDT

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cak/1340820551.html

If you have a child and are unable to breast feed but still want them to get the best from breast milk or have use for it in another way then this is for you. I just had a child, am a non smoker and have an abundant supply of breast milk and will be selling it for $3/oz. Just send me an email and maybe your cell number and I can give you a text and we can discuss the rest. Only serious inquiries please. Thanx!

Date Posted: 5/10/10

http://collegestation.craigslist.org/for/1734451522.html

I’ve recently been possessed by the devil, but its a minor demon and I still have a degree of self
control. I’ve been training myself slowly to learn the holy rite of exoricism, and I think I have it down. I just need some holy/blessed items to complete it. imbued crosses, blessed items, holy water, willing to buy anything sanctimonious.

Serious responses only!

Call after 5
8286991864

http://asheville.craigslist.org/wan/1717159726.html

Date: 2010-04-29, 10:19PM EDT

Treadmill for sale modle pro-form crosswalk 380 bought for my fat wife but she didnt walk on it even five times also got a ab lounge same thing she didnt either I wil sacrifice both for 225.00 price is really cheap if you
want delivery available upon requst 10 miles radious for $ 25.00 around south bay gallaria both are lying in my garage only dust on them but they are in good working order call me 310 321 2189 oir hit me a e mail
thanks.

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/spo/1708814641.html

Comment from the user that submitted this ad: Sweet Guy…

up for sale or trade a .33karat engagement ring  300.00 OBO will also trade, looking for car audio for my 2009 silverado, would also consider a firearm trade as well

http://chicago.craigslist.org/sox/bar/1410013788.html

Comment from the user that submitted this ad: what would they need a gun for???

I broke my right foot and only used the left shoe so now I have this new right shoe.
Great gift for a one footed person or if you know anyone with a broken left foot. Giving away as is.

Date Posted: 2009-09-15

I have an almond-colored KitchenAid dishwasher free for parts/repair, you haul. No manual, it runs but doesn’t really clean dishes, they still come out dirty. It’s probably 15-20 years old and annoyingly heavy. It rolls (like all dishwashers do) but you might want to bring a dolly anyway. Or a strong friend. Or be extra-strong yourself. The end goal is to get this thing out of my garage. It might be ‘valuable’ for scrap or parts, who knows what happiness this old dishwasher might bring you.

The photo: The dishwasher sitting on it’s head, upside down. I thought about turning it right-side-up for the picture but realized showing it ‘as-is’ would give you a better realization of the hot mess you’re getting yourself into.

If you come take the dishwasher away I will throw in a bag of pulled pork that was smoked for 13 hours this past weekend and 1/2 a dozen homemade cookies, no joke.We are busy people who installed our new dishwasher DIY-style and never want to deal with the old dishwasher again, and you are a dishwasherless hungry person who needs some meat for your sandwich and cookies for your dessert. It’s a storybook ending waiting to happen. . .

Email me through craigslist and put something unique in the subject line of your email so I know you’re a human-being and not spambot. And no, ’smoked pulled pork’ is not code for a craigslist hook-up, I truly have delicious meat and cookies to offer in this exchange.

Date Posted: 2009-09-30

Table (42 inches wide; 66 inches long) w/ 18 inch extension Leaf, 8 padded chairs, china cabinet (top of china cabinet in photo is gone) serving table (front left of one of the photos), table pads, excellent condition, must pick up, $625 or best offer.

Date Posted: 10/11/2009

Comments by the user who submitted this ad: I’m confused…is the gorilla part of the dining set?  I mean, is this a normal part of a dining room and I’ve been living under a rock?  Is it an attempt to intimidate me into making a really good offer?  Is it the seller?